“Make Sure you are Playing the Game you want to win”
Chest Candy is a term used for the multitude of military ribbons and bars you see a high-ranking official wear. In normal life, Chest Candy is all the awards, titles, and commitments people accumulate to put on their LinkedIn page.
I used to love chasing Chest Candy. Then one day I realized, NO ONE cared. No one is thinking about me. No one is pondering my list of accomplishments. They have their own lives, where they are the starring characters. The only people who truly care about me and need me are my wife, kids, parents, and very few close friends. THAT IS IT. Chasing adulation, titles, and resume filler is a waste of time. Do something because it matters to me, not for the glory of impressing others.
When possible, I want to optimize my life for independence and freedom. I have not always been good at this, and I have tended to say yes to a lot of things. Non-Profit Board of Directors? Sure. Board of Trustees of Kids’ School? Of course, I can. Coffee to hear about an idea? Let’s do it.
Can you see how the chase of Chest Candy and living with independence and freedom are incongruent?
As time goes by, I have narrowed my list of commitments down. Independence is not just being able to do what I want when I want, it is also being able to say “No”. To not have to do what I do not want to do.
Some tricks that have worked for me:
Never commit to something on the spot. I give myself time to think by responding, “I want to make sure I can give you my 100%, give me a couple of days and I will get back to you.” This honors the importance of the request while also giving me some breathing room to make a decision.
Envision myself fulfilling the commitment in the future. It is very easy to commit to something I do not have to do right now. There is no immediate pain or inconvenience. When the day arrives and I need to leave my family for some business event, I am dreading it. Before I make the commitment, I imagine the moment when I will be fulfilling it, and how I will feel.
Say yes to things that give me energy and cut out the things that drain me. If I find myself dreading something or when I leave, I am completely drained, I need to reassess.
Do something because you want to. Because it matters to you. Because it makes you feel good. No one else is even paying attention.